Forgiveness-Part Four, True Forgiveness

True Forgiveness

When we speak on the topic of forgiveness it is important for individuals to understand what is true forgiveness, biblical forgiveness. There are what I call myths in regard to forgiveness. We need to address the myths before we can get into the real life application of true forgiveness. Along with the myths on forgiveness we need to address the cancel culture that takes place in the Christian realm when it comes to victims of clergy abuse.

Myths

Myth One-Forgive and Forget
This myth, this lie, is that if you truly forgive someone you will forgive and forget. This is a false mindset for three main reasons:

A. It is impossible and dysfunctional. No human being can forget/erase from their minds events that have taken place in their life. Any person that does do this is dysfunctional. They most likely have a mental illness. For some individuals they choose very dysfunctional ways to address evil that has taken place in their life. They have imaginary friends (schizophrenia), multiple personalities, twist the truth into a deceptive lie because they cannot deal with the truth.

There can certainly be times that God does intervene in a situation to help a person cope with trauma by blocking their mind of the trauma, but that is God operating in His sovereignty. Not somebody being told for you to forgive you must forget.

B. If every time we experienced pain, trauma, wounding, etc we were able to block it from our memory, to forgive and forget, we would find ourselves in the same harmful circumstances over and over again. Imagine if you are a victim of abuse and every single time someone physically or sexually abused you, that you would forgive and forget. That mindset, myth, lie is from the pit of hell.

C. The power of forgiveness that gives God glory is when we have experienced horrific circumstances in our life caused by individuals and God gives us the ability to remember the circumstances and yet still forgive and walk in freedom. Testimonies come out of this. God is glorified. Also, our forgiveness can be the very thing that God uses to get a person to a place of willingness to see their need of God’s forgiveness in their life because of the actions they have done towards you.

Myth Two-If You Truly Forgive You Will Not Hold the Guilty Party Accountable

This myth, lie, is that if you really forgive someone then you will forgive forty times seven and not hold the person accountable, just keep forgiving them. Yes, we are called to keep on forgiving, but we are not called to be foolish, keep placing ourselves in the position of being a victim and to trust someone who has proven they are not trustworthy.

God is a God of righteousness and justice and His call for us to forgive does not outweigh His justice which requires consequences. Without consequences sinful behavior would be repeated over and over again. Without consequences a person could be abused over and over again.

You can both forgive a person and hold them accountable. Holding someone accountable, seeking justice, is not seeking revenge or being vindictive. It is being wise. It is helping others from becoming a victim.

If someone does you harm, becomes your enemy, it is possible to forgive your enemy, love your enemy, and hold them accountable. In fact that is a powerful testimony. You do not wink at their evil, you seek justice, consequences for their behavior, but you also can show love to the person. That can happen through the grace of God, thus He gets glorified.

So, it is a lie from the pit of hell that you must continually forgive a person, continue to put yourself in harm’s way, and not hold the person accountable.

Cancel Culture-Victimizing the Victim Again

Sadly, within the body of Christ, among some Christian leaders, there are those who use these myths on victims of clergy abuse. If the victims do not comply they are attacked, and everything is done to try to cancel what has happened to the victim and to silence the victim.

Much of the time the purpose for these actions is to protect the perpetrator. The victim’s personal experience is minimized, or there is the goal to make the victim into a person who is seeking vengeance, not willing to forgive, has ulterior motives, or even going as far as insinuating that is their fault for being a victim, or they are lying about being a victim.

We could do an entire podcast on this form of abuse by spiritual leaders. For now this look at what is True Forgiveness.

True Forgiveness

So now that the forgiveness myths have been covered, what is biblical forgiveness?

Definitions
The Greek word for forgiveness is aphesis. It means forgiveness, release, remission. It comes from the root word aphiemi which is defined as pardon, deliverance, forgiveness, liberty, remission. Another Greek word connected with forgiveness is charizomai which has as its root charis, grace. So the idea is of graciously giving and forgiving.

Theological Forgiveness

When forgiveness is used in a theological sense it is that through faith in Christ the penalty of sin is removed from us and our relationship with the Father is restored through the Son. Notice forgiveness does not excuse our sin. Notice forgiveness does not say that sin did not take place. Notice forgiveness does not say there should not have been separation between us and God.

Take note that God offers forgiveness and restoration to mankind, but it is upon His conditions, trusting in Jesus as Lord and Savior. If not done, no restoration.

Forgiveness Between People

Just as forgiveness towards us from God does not excuse our sin, forgiveness towards others does not excuse the sin of others. What it does is release personal bitterness and offense. We let go of the offense, we make sure we do not hold unto bitterness. If feasible, we desire to have reconciliation, restoration of relationship without lowering the standard.

When we forgive others we entrust God to issue His justice and trust the justice within our society. We do not seek retaliation. We clearly do not seek vengeance.
Romans 12:19 NLT
Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the LORD.

We as Christ Followers are obligated to forgive.
Matthew 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Restoration

As Christ Followers our desire should be for restoration to take place, that will require healthy boundaries. Restoration is based upon if the guilty party repents and does what needs to take place for there to be the possibility of restoration. Just as there is no restoration between us and God unless we repent and do what it takes to be restored.

John 2:23-25
²³Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, during the feast, many believed in His name as they observed His signs which He was doing. ²⁴But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, because He knew all people, ²⁵and because He did not need anyone to testify about mankind, for He Himself knew what was in mankind.

1 Corinthians 5:11-13
¹¹But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is a sexually immoral person, or a greedy person, or an idolater, or is verbally abusive, or habitually drunk, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a person. ¹²For what business of mine is it to judge outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? ¹³But those who are outside, God judges. Remove the evil person from among yourselves.

Summary

True Forgiveness does not excuse or justify the sin of others. True forgiveness releases personal bitterness and offense. True forgiveness does not desire vengeance, that is left in the hands of God. True forgiveness will desire reconciliation/restoration when feasible, and restoration will include healthy boundaries.

True Forgiveness does not include the myths of forgive and forget, forgive with no accountability, or cancel culture that tries to minimize the wrongful actions of another, or to make the victim a victim all over again.

#forgiveness #thereishope #thereishoperadio #PreacherRichD